


Long way to love and hate

by frenchfairy



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bisexuality, Blow Jobs, Choking, Conversations, Couch Cuddles, First Love, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Painplay, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sex Talk, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-10 12:59:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15949856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frenchfairy/pseuds/frenchfairy
Summary: Before Nick and Sean met, they had a lot to live through, first love, first kisses, and first sex. I tried to imagine people and events that made them who they are and how these influenced their relationship.





	1. Nick's first love

**Author's Note:**

> I don't claim to understand all the problems of being gay or bisexual. Some of these stories come from my personal experience, others are complete imagination. I'll be adding tags as the story continues.
> 
>  
> 
> It started touchy-feely but then got really dark. Chapters 1-3 are pretty safe, then it got hard, watch out for the tags.

Nick Burkhard, a 29 years old police officer, was returning home after a really long day. For two hours straight they chased a suspect, a young boy. This tiny teenager somehow managed to almost rip the head of a 250-pound biker. Nick knew the murdered, he was an often guest in the precinct, mostly for beating up guys in bars. When Nick started to work in police, he was surprised to know that local criminals preferred bare hands and even their own teeth to knives and guns. Frequent wild animals attacks also weren’t unusual.

Nick parked the car and quietly crept into the house. Juliette, his girlfriend, was already in bed. Trying not to wake her, Nick quickly took off the clothes and lay next to her. He loved Juliet with all of his heart, they were perfectly happy together. Only three years ago he wouldn't believe that it is possible. He thought that he would spend his life alone until a heart attack or a bullet finishes him off.

Nick knew that he was special since middle school. When his friends were obsessed with girls and grown-up magazines, he just played interest. They were beautiful, yes, but Nick didn't feel anything in a romantic way. When Nick went to high school, he already had some experience with awkward kisses and hugs. Nick has always been attractive, with his dark hair and blue eyes, so the girls paid him a lot of attention. Strangely, his feelings toward girls weren’t different from his affection to his two best friends. It was fun to wrestle and play tug on the bedroom carpet, sudden twitches of erection Nick explained by physical contact.   

When Nick started high school, something really strange happened to him. At first, he refused to notice, but it kept getting stronger. Nick understood that he liked his new English teacher not only as a great mentor. Mr. Kelvin was a tall man in his thirties, with blond, almost shoulder-length hair. His clean-cut features and mesmerizing gaze made him look like he was one of the Middle Earth elves. Nick felt attracted towards him and it was scary. He started to question his sexuality, he was really terrified to turn gay. Everybody was talking that it was disgusting; gays needed psychiatric treatment or even isolation. Nick felt dirty and unworthy and at the same time drawn to Mr. Kelvin. These feelings tore him apart, he didn’t know what to do and what was worse didn’t know where to look for the answer.   

In November they were reading the play “The Importance of Being Ernest”. It was full of British expressions Nick had to look up in the dictionary but at the same time, it was fun and witty.  Nick read the biography of the author and was struck by his faith. He finally felt not alone and this gave him some courage to live his life. Nick decided to know himself better, so he went to the library and dug up all he could find about homosexuality. Most of the books Nick had to discard as they were written by obvious homophobes, the rest were statistical and psychiatric research that didn’t really help. Nick was almost desperate when he finally found what he was looking for. The book was written in form of questions and short answers, the answers were direct and really simple to understand.

After reading, Nick felt himself a little better. It looked that he wasn’t a pervert or a nutcase; although he still needs to keep this thing secret. Nick finally allowed himself to imagine some things when he was in bed. His fantasies didn’t go far away because he didn’t know and couldn’t imagine what the sex with another man would be like.

Nick had to wait until the end of the school year. His affection for Mr. Kelvin turned to the interest in literature. Nick signed up for his book club where they were discussing great books that weren’t included in the school reading list god knows why. It was the end of the last club meeting this term when Mr. Kelvin asked Nick to help with moving tables after the class. When everybody left, Mr. Kelvin said: “Nick, I think, I need to discuss something with you.” Nick couldn’t imagine what it would be, so he just nodded.

“Listen, I think, I noticed something about you. It’s not my business, but I really don’t want to make a mistake.”

Nick’s heart sunk in his stomach. “He would call me nuts and everybody would know and…”

“Nick, if you need to talk about what’s going on with you, just tell me. I promise this conversation won’t leave the walls of this room.”

“I… I’m OK.”

“Are you sure? Listen, I see how you are looking at me. And I know what it means. ” Nick was afraid to look up but a part of him was happy. The other part wanted to run away. Not moving seemed to be easier so he just sat quietly.

“Do you know why I came to Portland? Actually, I ran away from Philadelphia because of one story. Steve, a student of mine, committed suicide. The whole story was messy. They found a letter, saying that he couldn’t bear being not normal anymore and perverts don’t deserve to live. He took his grandmother’s pills, died from low blood pressure.” - Mr. Kelvin’s voice was quiet, almost breaking. – “It was my fault, I saw everything. I knew he loved me, I could help him but I didn’t. I hoped he would forget. The problem was he couldn’t accept being who he was.”

Nick didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t expecting such honesty from a teacher and his story struck Nick below the belt.

“Nick, you need to know that everything is OK with you. A lot of people, most of them, won’t understand you, but you need to know that you are perfectly fine. It’s not a mental illness, it couldn’t be cured, it’s just we were born like that.”

“We? He said _we_? He is too…” – Nick was still staring at the desk in front of him sitting still.

“If you need to talk, I know it’s difficult, but if you’ll ever need help, you can call me or leave a message. You all right?”

Nick nodded. Mr. Kelvin got up and headed to the door. Nick sat there for a while, processing what he just heard. He was embarrassed to be caught with his feelings and happy to finally be not alone, sad about that boy and there was a tiny sparkle of hope to be loved back.

The whole week passed before Nick finally dared to call Mr. Kelvin. At first, he was afraid that it is a terrible setup and the teacher would play a joke on him, but he decided that the suspicion is baseless.  Then he didn’t know what to say. Nick desperately wanted to meet him, to be able to touch him, finally to talk to somebody who _understands_. It was Friday night when Nick breathed deeply and pressed dial. There was no answer, the blood in Nick’s ears was beating louder than the dial tone. After three beeps Kelvin’s voice said: “You reached Steven Kelvin, leave a message.” Nick hesitated for a moment and said as clearly as he could: “It’s Nick, can I come?”

Next morning at breakfast Aunt Marie said: “Your teacher Mr. Kelvin called half an hour ago. He asked if you could help him to move some stuff from school to his apartment. I said that you’ll be happy! He’ll be waiting for you at two.”

“I think, I’ll be happy to help then” – Nick smiled. “Nice cover-up story,” –  he thought.

When Nick reached Mr. Kelvin’s apartment, his hands were sweaty, a tight knot was stuck in his throat. It was dry in his mouth, so when Mr. Kelvin opened the door and greeted Nick, he could only nod in answer.

“Come in here, I’ll get you some soda.”

Nick entered what seemed to be the living room and looked around. Books were literally everywhere, even in piles on the floor. It looked more like the library’s storage than an apartment. A little but comfortable couch was on the left wall with a small coffee table in front of it. Other than that and bookshelves there was nothing in the room.

“How is your vacation?” – a cheerful question of Mr. Kelvin made Nick startle.

“F… fine, I guess,” – Nick had to clear his throat first.

“Here is your drink. Please, sit here. So, you decided to come. How can I help you? You have questions?”

“Last time you said… you said _we_ were born like that. You are too…?”

“I’ll have to kill you if I say yes,” – Mr. Kelvin smiled showing uneven white teeth. His right canine was standing out of the row as if there wasn’t enough space for it. – “It’s hard to admit even to yourself. All that patriarchal religious society doesn’t help either. At least, they won’t throw you into jail like in sixtieth.”

“What’s it like? I mean, you can find somebody and everything…”

“It’s difficult. But people adjust. When you’re in college nobody’s surprised that you live with a roommate. When you’re closer to thirty they start to wonder and ask questions. I bet you’re curious not only about family life?”

“Yeah, but… I don’t know… Everything’s so strange… I know how they do it but…” – saying this made Nick flush.

“You finished? Let me take it.” Mr. Kelvin took the glass from Nick’s hand, brushing it with the tips of the fingers. The sudden touch burnt Nick’s skin and a wave of electricity ran through his body. 

“Nick, listen, it’s important that you understand. Nobody can force you to do anything, neither boys nor girls. You have a right to say no anytime if you feel like it. You are a handsome boy and you’ll get a lot of attention.” – this sudden complement made Nick flush. – “But it’s you who decides how far you can go.” Mr. Kelvin put his hand on Nick's forearm and pressed slightly. “Do you understand?”

Nick felt he couldn’t breathe. All he wanted is that Mr. Kelvin kissed him, to feel his body on him. Nick leaned to Mr. Kelvin and hid his face in his shoulder. Mr. Kelvin put his left hand on Nicks back and gently stroked. Then he reached higher and tangled the fingers in Nick’s hair.

“Nick, wait… I can’t… we can’t…” – his voice was deep and husky; the teacher seemed to be out of breath.

Nick didn't want to let go. Instead, he grabbed the front of Kelvin's shirt and pulled him closer. When their lips met, Nick's heart skipped a bit. He felt a faint scent of aftershave mixed with cigarette smoke, then a light touch changed to rough grown-up kiss with tongue and teeth. Kelvin's fingers in Nick's hair curled and tugged it. Nick suddenly became aware of his erection and hot pulse in the jeans.

“My god, Nick, stop.”  Mr. Kelvin let go of boy's hair and now his hand lied on his shoulder gently pressing it.

“Please, Nick, I'm sorry.”

Nick sat up straight, he was scared he did something wrong, he ruined everything.  

“Why?”

“You know, I’m your teacher, I’m older. I know how you feel, you think what you feel is forever but it will pass. I think you need to figure out what’s going on and I can help you because I was in your shoes.”

“But I… I just wanted to try…”

“And you will. Maybe, it won't be perfect for the first time, but you'll find someone eventually.”

“Everybody is saying that.”

“Because it's true. I didn't believe in it when I was your age, I thought people just say that because they don't know what to say, but when you live through that, you'll understand.”

“Did you find anybody?”

“I met a guy in college. It didn't work. Then another one, it also didn't last. In my second year, I met Lucy. She actually put my brains in the right place.”

“I don't think I can be with a girl.”

“You didn't try, did you?”

“No. We kissed and... that's it.”

“You just need to find a right person. It's difficult for everybody and it takes time, sometimes years to do it.”

“And what about now?”

“I wish I knew, Nick.”

Mr. Kelvin put his arm around Nick's shoulders and kissed the boy's temple.

“You haven't been with anybody, have you?”

“No.”

“Oh, god. This makes it more difficult. Remember what I told you before? You have a right to say stop whenever you feel like it. Come here.”

Mr. Kelvin kissed Nick again, this time more gently. Nick thought it was still nothing like with a girl, girls are softer, suppler. Mr. Kelvin slowly pushed Nick on his back and positioned himself between the boy’s legs. He moved lower, kissing his neck and chest where it wasn’t covered by the shirt. Nick’s balls and dick started to hurt from the tension. Mr. Kelvin reached to Nick’s belt and undone it. He watched the expression on Nick’s face, but the boy seemed to forget about everything, his eyes were closed and he was biting his lower lip. Mr. Kelvin pulled Nick’s jeans a little lower and freed his dick. Its head was bright pink, almost purple. Mr. Kelvin took it in the mouth and sucked a little.

“Wait, what are you doing?” – Nick jumped, his eyes were frightened and wide open.

“Nick, just relax. Everything’s fine.”

Mr.  Kelvin continued, this time getting lower and lower, till he reached the base of the dick and its head hit his throat. Nick moaned and arched his back, to have Mr. Kelvin’s hot mouth around his dick was the best feeling he ever had.

Mr. Kelvin swallowed his dick deeper. In a few moments, hot cum filled his mouth and he heard Nick’s moan. The teacher licked off the seed of his lips and Nick’s dick. Then he moved up and kissed the boy. He lay completely flat and exhausted, with a light smile and shut eyes.

“Are you all right?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay. Breathe a little.”

Mr. Kelvin lay back on the coach and now Nick could see his erection bulging in the shorts. Nick wanted to do something but didn’t know what. He decided that a kiss would be the safest option. Mr. Kelvin’s kiss was impatient, almost biting and had the taste of Nick’s cum. That gave Nick the second wave of arousal.

“Will you do the same for me?”

“MmHm, I’ll try.”

Mr. Kelvin quickly pulled down his shorts and invited Nick with a light press on the back. The boy took the head into the mouth and sucked a little. Mr. Kelvin’s hand on the back of his neck was pushing him down, slightly at the beginning then harder and harder. Nick couldn’t catch air; Mr. Kelvin’s dick hit his throat hard and painful. It lasted for a few thrusts then Nick felt the cum filling his mouth with pulsation. The teacher let go of him and Nick sat up coughing.

“Sorry, Nick, I lost it. Are you all right?”

“I think so. I need some water.” The cum started burning his throat and insides of the mouth. The taste was bearable, though.

“I’ll get you something.”

“I bet you didn’t imagine it being like that,” – said Mr. Kelvin returning with two glasses of coke with ice.

“Not really.” A wild mixture of emotions was swirling in him, he clenched the glass with coke to hide the trembling in his hands.

“This thing needs some practice. I’ll show you if you’d like.”

“Really?”

“Nick, I like you. And… And I don’t want you to learn these things hard way.”

“Can I come again?” – Nick couldn’t believe that what he’s dreamed about for months could come true.

“I think we could come up with something.”


	2. Sean Renard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean has to spend a year in a Swiss boarding school for boys.

"Get away from me!" Sean jumped out of the bed where his roommate had tried to shove his tongue in Sean's mouth.

"What are you doing? You sick bastard!" By the way, it was Sean who was the bastard here. His father was one of the royal family and his mother was a Hexenbeast and now they were hiding all around Europe from them. That's why his mother put Sean in this Swiss boarding school under a fake name, and that's why he was stuck with his crazy roommate for the whole year.

Just relax, chéri! You liked it, I can see it! Victor got up and hugged Sean. The boy was petite, slim and didn't reach Sean's shoulder. Viktor was looking at Sean from below and his expression seemed even more pleading because of it.

"I can't do it like this!" Sean was confused and lost. Over the months he got used that Viktor was very touchy, got used to cuddling with him when they were reading, even stopped to snap when Viktor called him chéri and love. But today was a surprise. Sean was reading in his bed when Viktor came to him and asked to lie down to get warm. When Sean was fast asleep and put the book away, Viktor suddenly kissed him on the lips. When Sean understood what had just happened he was furious.

"Let's talk, Andre, please." It took Sean almost a month to get used to his new name and still it sounded weird.

"What are you going to tell me? You think I'm a faggot?"

"No, don't say that, love. It's only conventions. Who cares what we are doing if it's between us and we both like it?"

"I don't like it."

"Denial it is. Look, let's make it your way. You want to be in control, you'll get it. I know you're horny, just like I am. I've lived in this damn school for five years already and the closest person to a girl is old hag miss Wilson. These schools are designed to raise sodomites."

Sean chuckled when he heard 'sodomites'. Viktor always used funny old-fashioned words god knows why maybe to show off his intellect. He was the smartest person Sean knew in his entire life, not only intelligent but also acute and perceptive, he could read people like a book.

"You're laughing so it's better already. Chéri, let me tell you a story and if I don't see an erection I will live you well enough alone. Come, sit here."

Viktor sat down on Sean's bed with legs and put the blanket over his shoulders like a shawl. Sean sat next to him not knowing what to say.

"So, listen. You're with this girl in a bed. You're kissing her lips and neck, right where you can feel the pulse. She takes your tie off and starts to unbutton your shirt. Her hands distract you, so you tied her hands to the head of your bed with your tie. Now she lies under you surprised and curious. You take the belt off. It's heavy and stiff, with a metal buckle. You put the belt around her neck and see a glimpse of fear in her eyes. You tighten it just enough that she could breathe but not freely. Now she's yours.

Last words Viktor pronounced in a whisper, then he turned to Sean and gently stroke his knee.

"Let me take care of you."

Viktor pulled down Sean's boxers and bent between his legs. Sean's dick was pulsing, the head swollen and purple. A small drop of clear liquid has come out, Viktor licked it off with the tip of his tongue, then he drew a wet line with it from the base to the head. Sean sharply inhaled and put the hand on Viktor's head, tangling the fingers in his hair. When Viktor took the dick into the mouth, Sean couldn't take it anymore. He gripped Viktor's head, pulled it down so that he reached almost inside Viktor's throat. The boy started choking and trying to pull away but it only made Sean hold him stronger. In a few long moments, he came with a loud groan and let go of Viktor. The boy sat up, coughing, seed and saliva were running down his chin on the T-shirt.

"That's a nice one, chéri!" - He finally managed to say. - "Let's play it hard if you like."


	3. Sean Renard, one week later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One week after the first blowjob. Suicide, knives, and blood are mentioned.

It's been a week since that incident, awkward for Sean and joyful for Viktor. Sean was afraid to look at Viktor the next morning, he was afraid to have hurt him and terrified to think that he, Sean, liked it. But Viktor got up really happy, with a half-smile on the lips and playful sparkle in the eyes.

“Ready for breakfast, love? I'm really hungry today,” – he said winking.

That night Viktor didn't have to fight with Sean to get into his pants, it didn't seem more natural, though, but Sean just gave up. Viktor didn't try to kiss him or god save ask him for a blowjob, he just jerked off next to Sean holding his hand.

“What's wrong with you, mate? Your uncle raped you or something?”

“No, not like that. I’m just bored to death. At home I would probably be screwing girls around but they put me into this damn school. I shall thank them though for my roommate, we tried loads of fun stuff. It was he who was abused here; his father is a real animal.”

“Where is he now? Graduated?”

“Killed himself. His mother died and he lost it. Phil was a smart bastard, planned everything so that even I didn't notice. He kept a stash of pills somewhere in the room and waited for the right moment when there was nobody around for hours. He even had Motilium to keep him from vomiting.”

“I'm sorry. You couldn’t help him, could you?”

“A hospital with a good psychiatrist could help him. Or turn him in a drooling zombie, most probably. Forget about him, he was a broken child from a broken family. Would you care for an experiment?”

“What kind of experiment?”

“You like control, do you, chéri? To know and to manage what is happening. But, to be a good officer, you need to be a good soldier. Would you be my brave soldier, love? No sex, I promise, I won't even touch your dick.”  

“I... I don't know.”

“Come on, let's have fun.”

Sean wasn’t sure; apparently, they both understood “fun” differently. But Viktor had already jumped of the bed and took a belt out of his trousers. His eyes were sparkling with joy and mischief as he looked at Sean.

“Sit here, hands behind your back.”

Then he tied Sean's hands, not really tight, but it would take some time to get rid of the belt. Sean was sitting on the edge of the bed with the legs on the floor, everything felt a little surreal like he was under a spell. Viktor sat on Sean's lap, face to face.

“See, love, you can't get up, can you? At least not without a struggle. Now I take this and you're mine.”

Viktor took a penknife from the pocket like a magician and put its tip to Sean's throat somewhere near the carotid artery, at the soft spot under the jaw bone.

“What the hell?” – Sean twitched and tried to turn away from the knife but couldn't do it without falling back on his tied hands.

“Shhh, my love. Sit straight, will you?” –  Viktor's face was an inch away from Sean's. – “You don't trust me, I understand, love. Think about this, I can hurt you, but I'm not doing it. Just making you feel it. Do you feel it, chéri?” – Viktor pressed the knife a little harder. – “Answer me!” A hint of metal suddenly flashed in Viktor voice.

“Ye.. khm, yes.”

“It's all about trust. You show me your soft spot and put the trust in me, you trust that won't hurt you. And you let me decide what happens further. You believe that I'll do the best for you. It helps you relax, doesn't it? You don't have to worry anymore.”

“You're nuts, do you know that?”

“Just try to understand, love. I know exactly how much pain you can bear and I won't cross the line.”

Viktor spoke softly, almost in whisper and Sean felt his hot breath on the  cheek. This whisper gave him shivers, the skin under the knife was hurting and he felt really uncomfortable. He knew though, that Viktor wouldn't cut his throat really deep but he would like the idea to give him a scar. The worst part was, Sean wasn't hundred percent sure that he'll get off without a scratch.

“Do you feel it?”

“What?”

“What it's like to be with someone who is controlling you.”

“Not really.”

Viktor moved the knife a little bit and a tiny drop of blood appeared right under the tip. Sean sharply inhaled and tried to move away from Viktor but the boy was prepared and caught him.

“You sick bastard!” – the words came in a hiss.

“Sorry, love, it was uncalled for, wasn't it? We're just playing now. Remember my story, she let you tie her hands, she didn't scream when you were wrapping the belt around her neck. Try to understand why. You're in her place now. Why did you let me tie your hands?”

“Just curious.”

“You knew that nothing could happen, you trusted me. Then came this.”

And he moved the knife again. This time Sean held it and didn’t flinch, only flexed his jaw muscles. Viktor noticed that and smiled.

“You are my brave soldier! Now think. Would you let me play with you again? Now you know I can be stronger, you know I can hurt you if I want to, when I want to.”

“Hell no!”

“Please, try to understand, love. When you see it from her point of view, you’ll be able to give her what she wants. Maybe, it’ll take some time till you get it. Meanwhile, I can have a bit of fun.”

And he kissed Sean lightly on the lips. Sean still felt the knife at his throat and thought that he’d better not move. The kiss was getting more persistent, Viktor started using his tongue and Sean felt Viktor’s erection. He didn’t know what got him, all this tension, the knife, the pain or sudden softness of smaller boy’s lips. It didn’t matter anyway, the kiss felt great.”


	4. Nick's first time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a bit of pain.

This summer was probably the happiest part of his life, he sneaked to Mr. Kelvin every other day. Aunt Marie didn't try to ask him where he kept disappearing because she clearly saw that it was a love business and didn't want to discourage Nick. But as the school year was approaching, Nick felt more and more worried. He feared that everything comes to an end, they couldn't be together, Nick even couldn't talk to anyone about them.

Two weeks before school Nick came to Mr. Kelvin after it was already dark.

"Nick, come in!" -  Mr. Kelvin was holding a glass of vine, and apparently not his first one.

"Do you celebrate something?"

"Nothing special just felt like it. Would you like some?"

"Why not?"

Mr. Kelvin poured him a glass of vine.

"Did you finish that book I gave you?"

"Not yet, had to help aunt Marie in the garden. She kept disappearing the whole summer and now remembered that there is more weed than flowers. But I don't think I can finish it any time soon, I barely understand a half of it. Sometimes I'm not sure it's English."

"Oh, that is the real English, not this pigeon we speak now."

"Pigeon?"

"A mixture of a dialect and English. Forget about it. I missed you, you know? You're so beautiful." - Mr. Kelvin kissed Nick lightly. - "I want you inside me, right now."

Nick felt a wave of arousal run through his body, his dick was throbbing from a sharp erection.

In the bedroom they quickly got rid of the clothes helping each other and kissing when they could. Then Nick stopped Mr. Kelvin when he wanted to move to their favorite position.

"I want to try it."

"Nick, are you sure? It could hurt, I don't want to hurt you."

"But _you_ like it."

"Not from the start."

"Let's do it."

"Promise you'll stop me if you feel pain."

"Okay, I promise."

Nick's cheeks were pink from arousal, he was breathing deep and fast as if he was running. Mr. Kelvin took a bottle of lube and squeezed a little on his fingers.

"Try to relax, okay?"

Then he put his hand between Nick's butt cheeks and began massaging the little ring of muscles. Nick stood on his elbows and knees, so he couldn't see the boy's face, couldn't tell if he would flinch. Mr. Kelvin slowly put one finger inside the hot ring and felt Nick strain.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah..."

Mr. Kelvin was slowly moving his finger until he felt Nick to relax and tried to add the second one. Nick sharply inhaled but didn't say anything. The teacher added some lube and continued to move the fingers inside Nick. He tensed unvoluntary and made a soft whining sound but it was hard to tell whether it was from pleasure or from pain. Mr. Kelvin continued to slide into that soft hot place when he reached Nick's prostate and this time he actually whined.

"Push a little, it'll help to relax."

Nick did so and Mr. Kelvin added the third finger, slowly but insistently. Now Nick whimpered at every breath, his fists were clenched and arms trembled.

"You're doing great, my love. I'm going inside you, are you ready?"

Nick nodded, unable to talk. Mr. Kelvin lubed his dick and stood on the knees behind Nick. When the head of the dick touched Nick's arse, Mr. Kelvin felt that he could come right now. He stopped for a moment and moved his hips forward, slowly entering this tight hole. Nick cried but didn't try to move away, and Mr. Kelvin began to thrust gently and slowly. After a few moves, he came inside Nick with a groan and pulled out.

"I love you, Nick, I love you so much!"

Mr. Kelvin reached to kiss Nick and saw tears in his eyes.

"Did I hurt you? Why don't you stop me?"

"It's okay. I wanted to feel it."

Mr. Kelvin hugged him and gently kissed, Nick's lips were wet and soft, little drops of sweat glittered on his upper lip and forehead.

"It hurt but I liked it. I felt... I felt safe."


	5. Sean Renard, hard play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renard learns how to be a good soldier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Renard means "fox" in French.  
> This work is getting darker with time, you might want to skip this chapter if you're not into BDSM kind of stuff. Also, a lot of triggers here.

Sean couldn't fall asleep for a long time. He thought about what happened this evening, tried to analyze his feelings but couldn't really come up with an explanation. Viktor annoyed him a lot but somehow knew how to get him aroused. Sean touched a tiny scratch on his neck and remembered Viktor's words, that it's all about trust. Sean learned not to trust anybody a long time ago, along with hiding his real nature. But why the hell he answered the kiss? 

For a couple of days, Viktor acted as if nothing happened at all, chatted about books, touched Sean's hand whenever it was possible but didn't mention their little play. Sean hoped that Viktor finally got what he wanted and would leave him alone, but on Saturday evening when Sean was in bed and almost asleep, Viktor sneaked into Sean's bed.

"I'm so cold, my love. Can I hug you?"

"No, I'm sleeping."

"I'll be quiet." Viktor snuggled up to Sean and put the head on his shoulder. 

Sean didn't feel like sleeping anymore, irritation mixed with confusion and arousal exploded in his chest.  

"Viktor, what do you want from me? I mean, really, not these stupid games of yours."

"I want to get under your skin, to know who you actually are."

"It's a bad idea. You wouldn't like it." A sudden memory flashed in Sean's head when he unvoluntary woged in front of his classmate when he was 13. The fear in that boy's eyes followed Sean for a long time.

"I love bad ideas, don't you see, my little fox?"

"What?" - Sean looked at Viktor with a start. 

"Got'ya! I knew it!"

"How did you know?"

"You should look yourself from the side, chéri. You have prominent family features, but the old Renard has only one son and it's not you; you wear the school uniform as if it's a fucking Versace suit and your table manners are like you were taught by the bloody queen of England. Also, you are at this school and it's good only at one thing: keeping its students away from the outer world or keep the outer world from us. Am I right?"

"I can't tell you. How do you know Renard?"

"Tabloids. Do you want me to keep quiet? Then I need something in return."

"I don't have anything."

"Oh, you're mistaken, chéri. You've got you. And we can do a lot of fun things together."

"Let's suppose, I agree. What do you want?"

"I can't tell you but I can show you. It's hard to explain in words, you need to feel it yourself."

"You want sex? Is that it?"

"No, not just sex, it's bigger. You let me show you and then you'll do the same to me, and you can add something of your own, I don't mind."

"And you leave me alone?"

"After you leave school."

"So, what is it?"

"It's a game. And it has rules. The first one is no marks, at least not where they could be seen; the second: when you say "red" I stop doing what I'm doing no matter what. And one more, especially for you: no penetration, you're not ready yet. And I have to warn you: you won't like this game, which makes double pleasure for me."

Sean lay quiet for a few long moments. A sudden realization struck him: he wanted that. It was not just curiosity, it was stronger. 

"Okay."

"I love you, chéri!" - Viktor's voice was excited as if he got a present he wanted for a long time.  - "Sit up, I'll need some things to prepare."

Sean sat up on the bed and watched Viktor with a questioning look. The smaller boy took a belt and a tie, then stopped for a moment thinking. "No, it would be too much," - he said to himself and then to Sean: "The game's on, remember about the rules."

Viktor tied Sean's wrists behind his back, this time really hard, with no chance of Sean's liberating himself and stood in front of him. Then suddenly, without a warning, slapped Sean in the face. 

"What the hell?!" Sean was surprised more than hurt, but still, it was unpleasant. 

"You shut up unless I ask you to speak!" - it was strange to hear a tone of metal in the boy's voice, usually soft and tender. Another slap. 

"Do you understand? Answer me!"

"Yes" - Sean hissed. He was on the verge of woging from anger, if it wasn't all his training to control himself, this thin leather belt wouldn't stop him. 

"Good boy." 

Viktor kissed Sean on the temple and then lower, on the neck where a tiny scratch was still visible. 

"You're so beautiful, chéri!" Viktor's kisses became stronger, he added teeth and sucking, when he got to Sean's nipple, a love bite was clearly visible on Sean's chest. Viktor was now standing on the knees in front of Sean, he put hands on Sean's thighs right on the edge of his boxers. 

"I think, we could make it a little interesting, could we? You're good with pain, I already know, but what about this?" Viktor bit Sean's nipple, not strong enough to break the skin, but enough to make Sean's hiss from pain and try to move away. 

"Sit straight!" Sean followed the order with clenched teeth, his jaw muscles flexed on both sides of his face. 

"Seems like I found a sensitive spot." Sean couldn't tell what makes him more furious, the sudden pain, this soft purring voice or inability to fight back. 

"Let's make it more interesting, shall we? Lie down on your back for me, love." This position was pretty uncomfortable, despite the pillows from both beds, but the feeling of helplessness was much worse. Viktor sat on top of Sean so that he felt the smaller boy's erection. Sean was surprised to see such clear arousal on his face,  wide-open eyes with dilated pupils and bright-red, slightly opened mouth. Sean felt his own arousal spreading through the body and concentrating in his lower abdomen, it felt so unusual: arousal mixed with rage. 

Viktor took the tie and wrapped it around Sean's neck. 

"You might wanna use your safe word," - said Viktor, - "if you can't talk, blink two times." He began slowly pulling the tie, looking directly into Sean's eyes. At first, Sean felt nothing than some pressure, then he started feeling the pulse in his neck. This added some degree to his arousal, the twitches in his groins forming into an almost full erection. Viktor continued to pull the ends of the tie and Sean started to feel that his throat doesn't let air anymore. He tried to swallow but it didn't help, a cough made things worse. Viktor weakened the tie and let Sean make two shallow breath, then tightened it stronger. It started to hurt, the pulse was pounding in Sean's ears but he didn't try to move. 

"You're such a good soldier, so brave!" - the joy on Viktor's face almost scared Sean. 

As the seconds were running, the desire to breathe was growing faster and faster. Now it hurt not from the tie but from the absence of air. Sean felt panic approaching him, but suddenly Viktor allowed him to breathe for some short moments. 

"You're doing so great, chéri, just remember, I won't let you pass away," - Viktor said that as if he was encouraging a child to make a move. 

When the tie closed his throat again, Sean was prepared. He knew that it wasn't for long and just waited. Except for this time, Viktor didn't let go much longer, until Sean's lungs started to ache for air and his diaphragm began contracting involuntarily. When it finally happened, Sean started coughing and tried to get up but Viktor pressed him down with all his weight. 

"You have a chance to say something," - he whispered in Sean's ear, "you'll disappoint me, though, if you do it now." Sean didn't make a sound, so Viktor continued and held the tie until it was dark in Sean's eyes. His consciousness began to drift away but a slap on the face woke him up. 

"I promised I won't let you pass away. You were so brave, my love, you deserve a reward. Good soldiers get rewards for being brave." 

Sean finally managed to catch his breath; although his throat still hurt, the excess of oxygen made him so intoxicated, that he didn't notice right away what Viktor was doing. Then Sean realized that he is lying with his boxers pulled down and his dick is in Viktor's mouth, fully erected. The boy was sucking the head of the dick, gently, softly, his mouth was so hot and wet. Sean let out a moan of pleasure, it came out hoarse and deep as his throat was still in pain. When Viktor swallowed all his length and the muscles of Viktor's throat were contracting on its head, Sean arched his hips and moaned louder. But Viktor sharply lifted his head and snapped: "You lie still unless told otherwise. Do you understand?" 

"Yes." Sean's emotions were overwhelming, all of this was so wrong, he wasn't supposed to like it, but his dick in Viktor's mouth was throbbing with pleasure. The most terrible was the thought that he enjoyed being choked, enjoyed so much it gave him a boner. 

"Are you close?" Viktor was stroking Sean's dick in tight and slow pace, his hand was wet from saliva and precum. 

"Yeah..." Sean felt his orgasm coming, a little more, a little faster and... Viktor strongly squeezed his dick just under its head and didn't let Sean come. 

"What are you..." - Sean began but a sharp slap on the lips interrupted him. 

"You keep quiet unless I ask you! You're not allowed to come ahead of me." 

Sean felt the taste of blood in his mouth, the inside of the lower lip was broken against his tooth. Fury rose in his chest but he managed to hold it.

"I had to do it, chéri, you need to learn how to follow the orders."

Viktor pulled down his boxers and sat on Sean's thighs again, their dicks now touched and he began stroking them together. 

"I'll let you come right after me, dear, it won't be long."  

Sean was watching Viktor when he came, felt his hot sperm on his dick and stomach, it was both disgusting and pleasant. Sean came with a groan almost immediately.  

                                                                         *

Later, when they were snuggling in Sean's bed, Viktor asked: "Did you like that? You think you can be on the top? I don't mind a little blood."

"Is this what you want? What the hell wrong with you?" Sean was still processing his feelings but couldn't imagine himself asking for such an experience.  

"A lot of things are wrong with me. It takes a long time for somebody to learn to mistake pain for love. And it's difficult to be a child prodigy and not to turn into a psychopath. Do you know why they sent me here?"

"If you want to tell me."

"I was a real prodigy like little genius kind, and the first years of my life were pretty much good, me learning everything and my parents bragging about me to their friends. But it fell apart, my mother left, father started drinking really heavy and didn't pay attention to me anymore. I still had my teachers but my tutor left. The new one was a real sadist. I saw he enjoyed beating me and he was smart enough not to leave any evidence. Who would believe a child? I decided to take care of him myself and messed up with his pills. Doctors saved him but he learned his lesson and left our house. Then this woman appeared when I was ten or so. I could see that she was just a gold digger but my father was stupid enough to fall in love with her. When she got pregnant, I... She miscarried because of me. I was stupid enough to get caught. That's why I'm here." 

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to, listening is enough. And this kink of mine... The worst thing about being a psychopath is that you don't feel normal emotions, this part of your brain just doesn't work. You don't feel love or affection, there is a bloody calculator instead of your heart. Pain turns me on because I feel it, it's the only thing I feel. You're different, your deal is control. Even today you didn't lose it, at least not completely."  They lay silent for some time. 

"My safe word would be "fox" and you need to use a knife if you want to hear it," - Viktor said this in his usual playful voice. 


	6. Sean Renard playing hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean gets a grip on what is domination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Choking, blood and pain.

"Game is on! Rules are the same, except you can fuck me." - Viktor was eyeing Sean with lust and anticipation, signs of arousal were clearly visible on his face. They stood fully clothed in the middle of the semidark room, a storm behind the window silenced occasional noises from the neighboring rooms.

Sean hesitated, they talked through their plans for tonight, but he still couldn't imagine doing this. He feared this as much as wanted to feel what it's like. And he couldn't bear Viktor's gaze, he saw the same expression of the boy's face when he slapped and choked him two days ago.

Viktor was the first to turn away the eyes and started to unbutton the shirt. Sean just stood there, not wanting to move, he couldn't imagine himself doing this. And now, when it started, he couldn't make himself to act. Viktor finished with the shirt and stood on the knees. Then he reached out to Sean's waist and undone his belt. When pulling it out from the trousers, Viktor looked up and Sean was surprised how different the boy's expression was. He wasn't smiling anymore, he looked pleading and submissive and the upward direction of the gaze added up to its intensity.

Viktor handed the belt to Sean and lowered the head, exposing his bare back. Sean mechanically took it and straightened in his hands. It was thick and stiff, heavy as it is and the metal buckle and tip added to its weight. Viktor patiently waited, breathing steadily and deeply and Sean could see his ribs moving under the pale skin.

"Remember your safe word?" - asked Sean and hit Viktor's back with the loose end of the belt. His hand trembled in the last moment and the belt just slid along Viktor's side. The second blow went more precisely and Sean saw a pink trace across Viktor's shoulder blade. Sean felt like in a dream, although he had quite a lot of experience with fighting, both on a ring and during street fights, this one was different as he wasn't protecting himself, nor trying to win the round, nor practicing. At the third blow Viktor whimpered but didn't try to move, the fourth one made him cry out quietly. Sean suddenly realized that he liked this sound, liked that Viktor didn't try to move away or try to protect himself. A shot of adrenaline and arousal flew through his body and Viktor's cry at the fifth blow made his breath stuck in the throat. Sean let the belt fall out of his hand and reached out to touch pink traces on Viktor's back. He felt hot skin under his fingers and Viktor moaned as Sean traced the long line across his spine. But Sean wanted more, wanted to feel real control, not just over the pain.

Sean promted Viktor on a chair. He cupped his right hand at Viktor's throat and lightly pressed, he felt a rapid pulse and a movement of the smaller boy's Adam's apple as he nervously swallowed. Sean pressed harder and heard Viktor's breath become a bit more intense. His head was inclined to give Sean more space, arms lie loosely on his laps and he was staring directly in Sean's eyes. And Sean felt it, felt what Viktor was trying to tell him all this time. "I know your soft spot and I know how much pain you can take. And you feel safe because you trust me, you trust that I won't hurt you."

Sean suddenly became aware of his arousal, not that almost forced erection when he was under Viktor but an actual sexual tension between them.

"I want more" - Viktor's whisper almost gave Sean a start. Sean took the belt from the floor and wrapped it around Viktor's neck. The black color of the belt contrasted with white skin in the dim light of the room. Sean acted carefully, closely watching Viktor's face. He knew, that actually kill a person in such way was not easy but he could leave a bruise or break something. When a pulsing vein appeared on Viktor's temple and skin color changed to bright pink, he let go of the belt, gave Viktor a chance to make two frantic breaths and pulled again, this time holding a little longer. Viktor's hands twitched on the lap, but nothing more, he didn't try to stop it. Sean noticed this and let go. After Viktor caught his breath and started inhaling deeply and steadily, Sean threw the belt on the floor and stroked a bright pink trace on Viktor's throat. Hopefully, it will disappear the next day. Viktor looked up into Sean's face, asking for more, but Sean just stood in front of him doing nothing. It felt wrong, incredibly wrong, and so dangerously intoxicating. Sean stroked Viktor's lips with the right thumb, Viktor opened the mouth, inviting him inside, tasting it with the tip of his tongue, it was sensual, more intimate than any kiss, feeling the straight line of his teeth, a tender wet spot behind them, feeling his hot breath on the hand...

"Fuck me in the mouth," -  Viktor's whisper was hoarse, almost inaudible.

"Shut up."

"Make me."

Sean slapped him with the back of his hand, he couldn't think of any other way to "make" Viktor stop talking, he didn't want him to talk, was afraid that a mocking comment will destroy this intimacy. But when he saw a scratch on Viktor's cheek, and a small drop of blood slowly forming there and starting to go down, it felt strangely satisfying. He completely forgot about this massive ring of his and didn't feel sorry at all.

"Sorry. I broke the rule," - Sean bent down and licked off the blood, then kissed Viktor, sharing the taste of it with him. - "Come here."

Viktor stood up and unbuttoned Sean's shirt, then the button and zipper on the trousers and slowly kneeled in front of Sean.

"Let me, please..."

Sean didn't say anything, he didn't want to talk. Viktor's eyes were pleading, the pupils were so dilated that the irises almost disappeared, the blood on his cheek started running again. Sean pulled the boxers down, exposing his dick but staying fully clothed. Viktor kissed the base of his erected dick, then kisses moved higher till the head of it. Sean moaned, his knees were weak so he barely could stay straight.

"Fuck me please... please, I need you, I want you inside me..."

"On the bed," -  Sean didn't recognize his voice, as if somebody else was saying this.

Viktor took off his pants and boxers, took a lube out of his drawer and lay down on the back. He squeezed some lube on his fingers and put the hand between his arse cheeks, moving them back and forth and rocking his pelvis. Sean watched Viktor fucking himself with the fingers, first two, then three and four and heard him moaning, all of it felt wrong and arousing at the same time.

"Please, I'm ready..."

Sean slowly, as if in a dream, took off the trousers and boxers and got on the bed. He didn't want Viktor to stare at him so he turned him on the knees and elbows and stood behind him. Viktor was making soft moaning sounds in anticipation, and they turned into a sweet groan when Sean's dick touched the sensitive ring of the muscles in his arse. Sean slowly entered into this hot tight space, he was on the verge of his orgasm already, so a few strong thrusts were enough for him to come. He pulled out only after a few long moments, the aftershock of his orgasm still sent spasms through his whole body, the heart was jumping out of his chest. He crushed on the bed beside Viktor, who already had turned on the back and was waiting for Sean to come to his senses.

"Can I come? Will you help me?"

Sean covered Viktor's mouth and nose with his right hand, completely closing his airways, and took his dick into the left one. It was stone hard, a drop of clear liquid was running down the swollen purple head. Sean was firmly gripping it, his strokes were faster and faster, the muscles on Viktor's belly were frantically contracting from trying to breathe in and coming orgasm. Viktor tried to pull Sean's hand away from his face, but Sean was stronger. Only when white drops of come fell on Viktor's stomach and chest, Sean let him breathe. A sharp inhale mixed with groan sounded loudly in the quiet room. Tears were standing in Viktor's eyes, his right cheek was covered in dried blood, the hair was sweaty and stuck to his forehead.

"You okay?" -  Sean was afraid that he played too hard on him.

"I love you, fox. Let's play with a knife next time."


End file.
